veg4realtors

Last week the veg4fam was blindsided by a vengeful intestinal bug that caused an 8 year old to involuntarily crap his pants and a 4 year old to projectile vomit at Olympic distances while watching a 3D IMAX.

Realtors were calling the house, with a psychic, freaky ability to determine the exact moment one of the 4 of us was either suffering through a bout of explosive diarrhea or about to give birth to last night's dinner through our mouth.

Hi! I'm calling from ABC Realty and I have a client that is interested in your property! We are on our way over right now!

So, we'd quickly disinfect the house and hobble, hunched over at the waist to the playground one street over in order to be out of the house when they arrived. Then we'd stagger home, woozy with nausea to see how many people had signed in on the visitors sheet.

One name on our sign in sheet was Montana Meadows. Mistah Checka muttered "Fuckin cow pasture" and fell over onto the couch, holding his gut.

Today another amped up  realtor called and chirped "Hello! I am Animalina and I would like to see your house!'.

I thought to myself, why do realtors have such porn star names? I chalked it up to being so close to the Mexican border and just assumed it was a weird little pet (haha, pet!) Spanish name that her parents gave her.

When she showed up I asked "Are you Animalina?"

"Yes"

"Okay, well Animalina, I am going to go for a walk with my daughter, enjoy looking around"

As she walked to the back door I remembered that the dogs were outside.

"Oh, Animalina? The dogs are locked in the side gate, just thought you should know"

She gave me an odd look and continued on her way.

As I walked back to the house she was walking out the front door and I said with a wide smile "Have a great day, Animalina!"

I'm so desperate to sell my house, I was just trying to kill her with kindness.

She opened her car door and as she was getting in I instructed Cakes to say goodbye to Animalina.

"Buh bye Animalina!"

Off she went.

I came inside and checked the sign in sheet.

First name Ana. Last name Molina.

Comments

[Ray]

I call my pug Animalina sometimes.